I have heard it said that to truly live is to experience all that life has to offer. That every person, no matter how privileged, destitute or common, will have to endure the harshness of winter in order to appreciate the glory of summer.
I am writing this post to encourage and inspire myself as much as the person reading. Over the past few years, my husband and I have experienced a number of trials and challenges. The hits keep coming, as they say, and I have searched hard and deep for how to process these events and move into the next positive, grateful state of mind.
Left a job? (Been there) Lost a job? (Done that) Lost a relationship or person that meant a lot to you? (Yup) Had a health scare (You mean nightmare?) Received bad or unexpected news? (Sniff….)
I truly feel for you – these things are incredibly hard and feel immensely unfair when they are front and center of your life.
I do, however, believe that the following quote holds a lot of truth in the control we do have surrounding these events, and that to build your best self, your character, and your legacy you should remember……
It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters. Epictetus
Challenging? Um, incredibly. Worth the effort? Yes, I believe so.
Here are the 3 things I have learned and come back to during my times of trial:
- Expose the hurt
- Choose to believe
- Take care
Expose the hurt
A lot of the time when something bad happens, in order to protect ourselves from further pain, our first instinct is to shield ourselves from exposing our hurt. For some reason, at least initially, I find it hard to talk about what is going on with me with the people who love me the most and be honest about all of the feels happening inside.
Probably a self preservation tactic, this prevents us from opening up in our relationships and be able to process the feelings we need to get to the other side of the problem or event – to be able to move forward in a healthy way.
So find your people. Those people who love you without conditions or can truly empathize with what you are going through. If you don’t have them on speed dial already, find a group! This is just another reason why connecting through community rewards you in spades. We will all go through trials. To have a support team already in place makes this process that much easier.
Don’t be shy about exposing the truth about your hurt to yourself and others.
Even though it may feel icky or uncomfortable, you are not burdening people by telling them what is going on with you and how you are handling it. You will find that sometimes people want to “fix it”, some want to “take it on” and some want to just listen and be there for you.
You probably need all of these perspectives and more. There is no one right way to support someone, so allow your people to be there for you – without conditions!
No one is going to wave a magic wand and have it all go away. But if you skip this very important part of grieving for what you have lost through your experience, and don’t rely on your relationships, you lose the healthy way to process your experience and take away the gift of allowing your loved ones to love you!
Choose to believe
A pretty hard concept for me to accept is that in the big scheme of things, I have very little control over what will happen to me and my family. It is a natural, human instinct to want to close our grip tightly around the things we are trying to protect – our jobs, relationships, security, stuff, etc.
It just doesn’t do us any good, and actually causes harm to ourselves and others, when we try to hold onto the things we weren’t meant to control.
In our worst of circumstances, we have a choice to make. We have the ability (not saying this is a natural or easy choice…. but usually the right paths aren’t) to choose to have hope, trust, even gratitude and joy during the trials of our lives.
It was a life changer for me to release control and give my trust to a greater power. To start believing that God has my best interest and that He is incredibly, incredibly good.
Believing this through the hardest of times has not been easy, but coming back to my faith over and over has brought unexpected, incredible joy and peace where there was once only anger and hurting.
We weren’t meant to do this life alone. We were created to be loved. Opening our hands and trusting something bigger than we can even imagine, believing that good is in store, frees us.
As Elevation Worship puts it so well… something I have listened to dozens of times in the past few days….. (this song ROCKS)……
Your promise still stands. I’m still in your hands. Great is your faithfulness. I believe I’ll see you do it again.
Regardless of where you are in your faith journey or what you believe, you have a choice as well.
You can choose to see the unbelievably amazing things in your life even when other parts are crumbling. Even if you have to come back to this again and again through your pain, you can keep choosing to believe that there is something amazing coming for you after this storm.
What will you decide to believe?
Take care
When I am suffering, my initial gravitation is toward the things that are not actually good for me. Isolation from others. Stubborn clinging to my negative emotions. A few (ha!) strong drinks thrown in for good measure.
Covering up, dwelling in or drowning out our pain doesn’t actually help us and usually it stagnates the healthy process of healing. We’ve already covered that we need to experience and expose our feelings and process them through relationship.
Another crucial step is to start taking action and making choices that will immediately start healing our minds, bodies and our spirit.
It might be the last thing you want to do, but right now is the time to exercise, eat well, rest, and “fill your bucket” with the people and things that make you feel happy and at peace.
Give yourself free reign! Take time off, go on a long weekend getaway, get a massage, make a healthy juice, take a walk, read a book. Do what you need to heal and don’t give guilt or other people’s judgement of your decisions a moment of your precious time. You know what is best for you. The hardest thing is to allow yourself to do it.
Don’t spend another moment in an unhealthy or unproductive action. Give yourself the gift of TLC. Loving yourself gives you permission to take care of you first so you can be your best self for others when they need you!
Baby steps to thriving when bad or unexpected things happen is to make one decision at a time. When we are at our lowest point, we realize there is not much we get to control…
The good news is that you are not alone. And you do get to choose. Your next conversation, belief and action.
Remember the next time you are thrown into an unexpected trial, keep coming back to these 3 things:
- Expose the hurt
- Choose to believe
- Take care
Be Honest: We are not promised a life without trials and hardships. In fact, in many ways, it would be hard to appreciate the gifts we already have and those that are coming without suffering through hard seasons.
Be Kind: to yourself and others! Give yourself permission to go through your process, messy as it may be, so you can get to the other side in a healthy way. And don’t forget that there are so many people out there experiencing pain at this very moment. Choose to be kind – you never know what someone else may be going through!
I’ll be cheering and supporting you through your trials, friends.
For the next few months, I will have to continue to come back to these words and walk the talk.
Much Love, Courtney
If you haven’t done so already, subscribe to our content and brighten up your inbox!
Love Love Love this !!!!!
We ALL go through this journey called Life and NONE of us escape trials and tribulations. It’s key to note that these times are often when God is calling us to take a closer look at how we “do” life. Exposing the hurt – or staying vulnerable is a prerequisite to healing, as well as, building the intimacies in our relationships that will allow us to drop our “guard.”
Choosing to believe – or “redefining” how we look at what we’re facing. The hurt or trial that seems a burden in the beginning often becomes a strength once we’ve reached the end…..so stay open to redefining the process. And then Take care – or Lean into God and abide in His Glory….!!!!!
Keep em coming !!!! Excellent content to digest !!!!
BP
Thank you Brent!