Do you try to ignore the scary subjects most pressing on your heart? Do you push back against speaking your truth when you get uncomfortable? Do you feel like you have to wear different “masks” at church or at work or in front of certain people?
Do you want to “check out” at night – turn on the t.v., pour a glass of wine and numb it all away until bedtime?
I do.
I am guilty of all of these and struggle with one or most of them almost every single day.
And after coming to a pretty significant realization of it’s truth and how harmful it is, I decided to confess it.
We are juggling a LOT during our day. It’s insane.
And there is a massive amount of pressure and expectations on us as moms, friends, employees, bosses and spouses. Whether that is self created or a result of American culture is less important than the fact that most of us struggle with it. Sometimes fiercely and constantly.
We are also bombarded by a flood of data and information. Staying up to date with important current events requires a law degree and 24/7 accessibility to multiple news outlets. Keeping tabs on our kid’s teachers, coaches, their schedules and events is a full time job.
Then we still have the small things like our own careers, health and personal development!
The number of conversations, calls, emails, personal messages, texts, social media updates, GroupMe chats a day…
…
Sorry, I had to take a 5 minute meditation break… OK… I’m back.
It’s no wonder we find it difficult to be present, genuine and honest. To know what boundaries to set and how to prioritize it all.
It’s no wonder that by the end of the day we are ready for it to all be over. To turn the page. Relax and shut everything out until it inevitably starts all over again.
Brene Brown, a researcher on shame and well respected author, has brought to the forefront the importance of showing up. She questions how we show up in our life and if we are making those decisions for the right reasons.
She began her journey as a household name and influencer on personal development after discovering a quote from Theodore Roosevelt. Below is a part of that quote. The full saying that inspired Brene and it’s historical background can be found here.
It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood;
Theodore Roosevelt
The “Man in the Arena” speech delivered by Roosevelt at the Sorbonne (Paris) in 1910 was revealed poignantly in a time of crisis and vulnerability for Brene. It explained clearly in those moments why “showing up” is the only thing that actually counts.
Showing up can look differently person by person. For me, doing this in a healthy way isn’t just staying present and engaged through the evening when I desperately want to check out.
It is leaning into uncomfortable conversations and tensions with the people I love and respect.
It is being honest even when I’m uncomfortable telling the truth.
It is being vulnerable enough to be seen as I am, as imperfect as I am, to those who mean the most to me.
It is caring less about what certain people think as it relates to my creativity and endeavors.
It is removing fear from taking the next steps toward what makes my heart beat faster.
It is removing the crutch of busyness, disengagement and addiction; instead moving that energy into relationships.
It is having boundaries that help to renew energy and deflect negativity so I show up better for myself and the people I love.
I am finding that these things are the critically important things.
Remembering everyone’s birthday, volunteering at every school event, and responding to every email, text and personal message that day is less important.
Here is a place where you can find a whole list of Brene’s gems and inspirational quotes. The undeniable wisdom that has come out of her work in the areas of vulnerability, courage, worthiness and shame is awe-inspiring.
I have proceeded to purchase 4 of the available books I found in Barnes and Noble.
Side note: I actually tried to check these out at the public library but realized quickly that many of the pages will be highlighted and marked before I am through with them 😉
Light bulbs, red flags, plus a new development opportunity and mantra for 2020 is ensuing.
Be Honest: How you “show up” matters because all of the little decisions you make, words you use and relationships you develop are creating the legacy you will leave behind.
Be Kind: It’s OK to work at this, fall down, retreat to old norms and then make headway again. It’s OK because perfection sucks.
